She has decided to wait for him for a year, that is till he completes his PHD and returns back to India. She has never ever seen him. She read his profile on some matirmonial site and so did he and they exchanged few emails and now both of them have decided to wait for a year. In a way she has commited to him. Yesterday she called me up and thus I came to know this decision of her"s. I was furious - this was rediculous - how could anyone trust, commit to a person one has not even seen. I gave all that most of that feminist arguments, I tried to sound like a rationalist, I finally came down to sound like a friend - but she had decided. She calmly said - " Joe, you know as human beings we have nothing more than trust. It"s the faith that keeps us ticking. It is the hope that makes a live. What would remain if stop believing"
I still argued, but i could feel the shallowness of my words.

Since yesterday i have been wondering what is that power in her that made her trust? And what is that weakness of mine that makes me doubt?

Going deeper I realise that it has been the trust and confidence that so many bestowed upon me and still do that I am what I am. Infact I am alive for that trust. What would I have been had my father not said " I know you will be doing great " after seeing my reportcard that showed I had failed in three subjects? What of that teacher who proposed my name for the post of school captain when each and every teacher was thinking of throwing me out of the school for keeping a dead cockroach on my teacher"s table? What would have happened had that NGO not trusted me the money they gave me to make my very first film ?

There are so many who trusted me, there are so many who I trusted. What"t been the basis of that trust, that faith - my goodness or thier goodness?

Right from the childhood we are only taught to fear. We are told to take precaution, to be careful. As girls, every guy other than ones own father and brother is potrayed as a rapist to be stayed away from, to be feared off. Every hawker on the road is out there to cheat you and every muslim is out there to kill the hindu. So be smart and what we mean by smartmness is "do not trust". It means maintain ones enigma, don"t tell everything to everyone. Dont"s show your weakness and do not cry infront of any one. Close down to the capacity of giving  love and being loved. Be politically and practically correct.

I thought of her. I thought of her capacity to trust and realised indeed life wont exist if we do not trust. Faith in the unknown, trust in to the unseen, belief in the unsaid - I feel we live because of this. Is"t it the trust that we share our innermost thoughts with each other, isnt it wonderful that we get married with the unkowen to become the most know?

I do feel like trusting because so many trust me.